Baby's Needs at Sleeptime
©1993 Beth Weiss, Posted to misc.kids Usenet newsgroup, December 8, 1993
I wrote this in response to the idea that it is cruel to not come every time
a baby who is supposed to be sleeping cries.
Meeting a child's needs doesn't mean giving him what he wants every time he
cries.
I'd like to know what is so different and special about cries in the middle
of the night for mama and daddy's attention that those cries have to be
satisfied, as opposed to those cries which mean "don't wash my face", "don't
rinse my hair", "don't make me go home", "don't change my diaper", "let me play
with that thing that I'm about to break", "let me hit you"--good parents learn
to enforce the rules regardless of those cries.
Children cry because it's one of their only means of communication. As
parents, we do our best to respond to that communication.
Mr. Kaplan seems to think that for a parent to retain his or her sanity is
sacrificing the baby's needs for the parents. Personally, I think that if
a parent retains his or her sanity, s/he is much more likely to be a good parent
than if s/he is having trouble coping due to lack of sleep. Individual's
sleep needs vary, of course, but those of us who need a good night's sleep to
function need for our children to sleep as well.
I don't think it's cruel to systematically teach a child to sleep through the
night, any more than it is cruel to teach a child that hair must be washed,
hands must be wiped after dinner, the cat's tailed can't be pulled.
We used Richard Ferber's controlled crying technique (combined with
shortening nursing sessions) to help our son fall asleep without help. The
first night was somewhat difficult, the next two weren't bad--and almost every
night in the 11 months since has been pretty darned easy.
I never know what to make of the idea that parents should respond (and solve)
situations when their children are crying. I do things everyday that
make my child cry--and I feel it that's part of my job as a concerned,
loving parent to teach him with love and limits.
We meet all of my son's needs; I all but teleport when he cries due to pain
or hurt or a scary fall. But I don't meet all of his wants--and I
don't think it'd be a service to him to do so.
        
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